So bad

You guys, I did something bad.

The night before my high school reunion, I looked at the one-night self tanner that came in my Sun Safety Kit and thought…why not? (YOU KNOW WHY NOT.) I was about to climb in bed, but instead slathered it all over my legs. Then I realized I’d squeezed too much out of the bottle and my legs weren’t going to use it all. So I reluctantly decided to do my arms, too. I’d talked myself into the whole thing with a firm nothing-above-the-waist rule, but I couldn’t just waste product, right?

Then I remembered I was wearing a sleeveless dress to the reunion. So after already starting my arms, I couldn’t not do my shoulders. But…if I’ve done my arms and shoulders, isn’t it going to look weird if I haven’t done my neck and chest? But what about the back!?! Thomas is asleep! I can’t reach! Oh, shit.

I continued to make it worse by reaching around the best I could and probably smattering it across my back so unevenly it was like a comedy sketch.

Then I sat to let it dry before going to bed.

I thought about what I’d done. I prayed it wouldn’t turn out too badly. I considered cancelling the whole going-to-the-reunion trip. I examined my legs. I waited. I waited some more. I examined them again and, horror or horrors, I could already see unevenness. This wasn’t something people were going to miss. I was going to be a reunion cliche. The laughingstock of my class.

I ran to the shower. I cursed the day I threw out all the loofahs. I scrubbed. I scrubbed some more. I dried off with a washcloth, because heaven forbid I destroy a good towel with this madness. I once again went to the living room to wait until I was dry enough to go to bed. (The washcloth was not entirely effective.) I prayed. Again. Finally, I went to sleep over an hour late…

…and woke up the next morning my usual lily-white. Big sigh of relief.

Comments

  1. Oh my gosh! I was SO hoping for a picture of the damage! Not to hope you turn into an orange uneven mess, but, I mean, it WOULD be funny afterwards, right? Hahahaha. I’m with ya though, even on my thinnest smoothest applications, streaks show up on lily white. It’s inevitable. 😛